Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
two words: eviction party
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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