So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize