Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
