We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
