But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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