I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
