I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
