Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
