As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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