if you like me you must not know who I am
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
