We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
