I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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