If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
