If i come over, it means nothing
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
