yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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