im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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