"it" just moved
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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