i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
