you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
