1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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