So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
