You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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