East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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