You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
