our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
