I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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