DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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