I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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