it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
