I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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