i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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