oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
