Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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