All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
