she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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