that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There's always time for handjobs
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
