I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
