My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
