how hairy? two words: wookie tits
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she looked like the before picture.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
