I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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