Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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