And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
