dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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