Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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