Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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