I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
