i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
