It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
