i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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