Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
