Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
