do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
