She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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