i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
