she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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