I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
