actually, I'm a sock model
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
