I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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