Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
