Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
