I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
