That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize