If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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