i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
