areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
