I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
