You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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