I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
