Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
