All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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