omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
