I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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