i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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