OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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