Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
