So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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