UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
