My Higher Power is John Stamos
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
