I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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