I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just puked most of my soul out..
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