and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
