OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
