You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize