Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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