if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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