two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
