if i can run in heels then i can drive
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize