Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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