we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
