I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
