I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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