take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
