the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
