awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
