He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
