We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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